Everyone knows the first rule of Fight Club. You don’t talk about Fight Club. It’s a rule men know all too well how to follow. If you’re struggling, don’t talk about it.. despite how bad it is for mental health
We are conditioned to do this from childhood. Be they the lessons dealt down from an overbearing father telling us ‘big boys don’t cry’ or from the school yard taunts: ‘man up’, ‘suck it up’. The life lesson is never, ever, show vulnerability. It’s not safe.
This is a lesson that stays with us. Men should be strong. Those around you don’t want you to show weakness. You are expected to win at sports, build a great career and buy a big house. They want you to be kind, funny and a great dad. Just don’t, whatever you do, get all emotional while you are doing it.
There’s just one problem. Men do have emotions; life is challenging, we are sometimes vulnerable, and we do need to talk about it. If we don’t, the pressure to seek a release can manifest itself in some disturbing ways: Angry outbursts, substance abuse, porn addiction and worse. According to the Samaritans 73% of people that end their own life are men.
While there is a growing awareness around men’s need to talk, the stigma around showing our vulnerable side remains. While women will confide in their friends, men will rarely demonstrate weaknesses to even their closest friends. For men, modern day friendship groups often play a different role. Women meet to talk; men meet to do.
The need to talk to another man who understands the issues we are facing is important. However, it’s rare to find a friend who can take the time or has the skills to help us makes sense of it all for our mental health. Speaking to an experienced, qualified professional that can help us develop the skills and strategies to manage much better can be life changing.
Steve Maher Coaching: Telephone 07966 150981 or Email Steve at info@stevemahercoaching.com
Steve Maher
About Steve
From the sports field to the school classroom to the boardroom, Steve has helped many people with life’s challenges. He is a certified Senior Coaching Practitioner with the EMCC, a member of the Association of Coaching and works with some of the world’s leading coaching companies. He qualified as an executive coach through the world leading Henley Business School and as psychotherapist through the Human Givens Institute.
This article originally appeared in the 2023 winter edition of Premier Magazine as part of our ‘Wellness’ feature
